A Day in My Geneva

KEYS to 24 Hours in Geneva

May 27, 2024

I like having company over.

I like having dinner parties. I like hosting house guests. I like showing people around. It’s just that I’m exhausted now. We’ve had house guests—great house guests (note: you know who you are)—for the better part of the last three weeks and being on other people’s vacations is wonderful, but kind of exhausting!

In the 10 months we’ve been in Geneva, we have had a LOT of visitors. My top of the head count is we’ve had about eight. Many of them have stayed with us, a few of them have just met us for the day. I have been so happy to see each and every one of them. I’ve enjoyed cooking for them, I’ve enjoyed catching up with them, and I’ve enjoyed drinking wine with them… perhaps a bit too much. It’s joyful to see old friends and beloved relatives, and to those of you who visited, I’m so glad you came. To those who have not come yet, you are invited. To people reading this blog who do not know me, please do not show up at my door.

The problem is that there actually isn’t that much to see or do in Geneva, at least not until the lake gets warm enough to swim in. Geneva itself—as distinct from Geneva and environs—is really a one day affair. Come and visit us and here is what the classic Geneva day will look like.

Get up to sound of C screaming “FROG” and/or “TUBA.” Alternate activity, wake up to L demanding breakfast “RIGHT NOW.”
Watch host drink seven cups up of coffee while kids eat cereal and/or dump cereal on to laps.
Marvel at fact that “that’s France—right over there!”
Wonder why church bells are going off at 9:27 on a Tuesday.
Listen to host say that you’d have an amazing view of Mont Blanc right now if only it weren’t cloudy. “It’s amazing. It’s really right over there!”
Get in car with or without kids depending on the day of the week and drive in to town while host explains that he is only driving like an old lady because he has already gotten CHF 600 in speeding tickets, and he has heard a rumor that if you get too many speeding tickets in Geneva, they make you see a psychologist to find out why what personality disorder you have that make you refuse to obey the rules of society.
If driving along the lake, hear host explain how Paquis is a dodgy neighborhood, but he would totally live there if he didn’t have kids because it “feels alive.” Also, learn that Austrian Empress Sissi was assassinated “somewhere around here.”
There’s the murder site.
If driving by Nations, see the building where Madame Melendez works and explanation that the “Global Health Campus” hosts GAVI, the Global Fund and “some other thing.” Also, see broken chair sculpture outside UN with explanation “I don’t remember what it symbolizes.
Maybe it’s man’s inhumanity to man?
”
Park at Mont Blanc garage. Watch host try to park in a space designed for a Fiat until he give up and parks in one of the XXL spaces the garage proudly advertises.
Note that the ads in the garage are all for luxury goods and that there are an awful lot of Bentleys/Lamborghinis/Porsches around here.
Walk uphill to old city while marveling at the prices at outdoor cafes.
See St. Pierre’s Cathedral and observe that Calvinists smashed everything pretty in it. Observe that John Calvin’s chair looks really uncomfortable. Do not go up tower… that would cost extra
Calvin at least didn’t trash the outside of St. Pierre’s
.
Be informed by host that the Museum of the Reformation next to the Cathedral is “not worth it.”
Lunch! Get crepe at Creperie du Bourg De Four, selected for being the only place in old town with something to eat under CHF 25… also for having the best crepes I have ever had. Every bite tastes like there is cheese toasted into it.
Visit part of old city with the cannons and the mosaics.
They are cool mosaics
Hear host note that it is his favorite place in old town, but he has no idea why canons make tactical sense there.
Visit world’s longest bench, and learn that the Wall of Reformers is right below, but the host doesn’t feel like hiking down to see it, but we can go later if you want.
See house where English writer George Elliot lived. Hear host complain that he did not care for Silas Marner when forced to read it in middle school.
Walk back towards the lake. If accompanied by children, help host carry stroller down 800 stairs.
Observe that the Horloge des Fleurs (Flower Clock) is right over there and that we can get a better look if you want, but it’s a pretty stupid tourist attraction, but not Plymouth Rock stupid.
Host forgets whether the Rhone flows into or out of the lake in Geneva.
Host struggles to remember that the other big river is the Arve.
Host spends 20 minutes trying to identify unusual bird in the lake that turns out to be a domestic duck hybrid.
Yeah, that’s just a mutt.
Host brags about how cheap parking garages are in Geneva compared to Boston.
Return to host’s home in rural Collex-Bossy.
Watch host cajole children to go on beautiful walk through the vineyards and farms with you.
Continue to watch host cajole children to go on beautiful walk through the vineyards and farms with you while explaining that children are too young to stay home and watch TV by themselves.
While walking, listen to host explain that Mont Blanc really would be very impressive if only the clouds would lift.
Wine.

I’ve done this day a lot of times now. This is, in large part, because people actually come and see us. This is a big change from our three years in Lesotho when everyone told us they were going to come and very few did. Apparently, close proximity to Paris and Italy is a bigger draw than close proximity to Bloemfontein. So come and visit, but remember that Geneva is locally known as “a great place to get away from.” To a certain extent, despite its physical beauty, Geneva is still a city carrying the legacy of the pleasure hating killjoys of Calvinism—but near here, the Alps, France, Germany, Italy, lovely Swiss villages, and enchanting vineyards. And beside, if you only eat wine, bread, cheese, and cured meats, and stay at our house, it really won’t break the bank.

Expatriarch

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